Picture the scene
The doorbell rings. There's a gift bag with tissue paper poking out the top, and inside it is the softest, tiniest onesie you have ever seen.
Everyone oohs and awws. Someone takes a photo. The baby, who is nine days old and has no idea what is going on, sleeps through the entire thing.
And over by the couch, a two-year-old is watching very carefully. Counting. Doing math that no one taught them but every older sibling somehow knows how to do.
Zero gift bags. For them.
This isn't about spoiling anyone
It's about a genuinely enormous life change happening to a very small person who has no vocabulary for it but feels all the feels.
Researchers actually have a name for this season, "the transition to siblinghood." And a review of thirty studies on the topic found that while it isn't a giant CRISIS for most children, it does bring real changes in behavior and adjustment as families handle the new arrival (Family Transitions Following the Birth of a Sibling, National Institutes of Health).
The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that children aged one to two often don't yet understand what having a new sibling actually means.
I had the same issue with Evie when our son Gabe was born. Eve was 2 at the time. Everyone would ask if "Evie was excited about being a big sister?" Honestly, I had no idea because I don't think she really grasped the concept.
But Evie turns out WAS excited. She couldn't get enough of her lil brother. Demanding to hold him, feed him, calm him when he was crying. A natural it seemed.
But then the 6 month mark hit. And the big feelings that come with being an older sibling finally kicked in. Jealousy, resentment, insecurity, anger, sadness. All of them a natural response to a new baby brother or sister, not a sign that something has gone wrong with your sweet kid (Association of Child Psychotherapists).
But don't worry, there are definitely some tips and tricks to get us all through.
A gift is not a magic wand. But it is a small, concrete, hold-it-in-your-hands way of saying: you did not get replaced. You got promoted.
Four things that actually help (according to the experts)
1. Read stories about it.
Read picture books about new babies and siblinghood, because stories make an abstract concept relatable and give kids language for what they're feeling (Mayo Clinic Press).
2. Let the gift come "from the baby."
A present the newborn "brought" for the big sibling reframes the baby as something that might be a good thing rather than someone who came to steal their parents.
3. Give them something to do during feedings.
Feeding sessions are long, frequent, sometimes loud and from a toddler's perspective pretty boring. Something special that only comes out during feeding time turns the hardest twenty minutes of the day into their twenty minutes too.
4. Give them a baby of their own to care for.
A soft friend to feed, burp, rock, and put down for naps lets a big sibling practice gentleness and be involved.
Where Inklings comes in
We design our plush friends and books for exactly this moment.
Our Inklings plush + book gift sets are a soft friend who becomes theirs while the baby has all the swaddles and rattles and grandparent attention. Ollie has quietly become a big brother many, many times over.
If you're the visitor, not the parent
Here's your move, and it will make you the family favorite: bring two gifts. A small one for the baby, and a slightly better one for the big kid.
Asking visitors to bring a little something for the older child too is standard advice for a reason. It keeps them from feeling invisible during a stretch of weeks when the household revolves entirely around another small but loud new addition (PlotJoys).
The parents will appreciate the guesture. The big kid will absolutely feel special and remembered.
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